Mechanical Absolution

What if all psychopathic violent crime could be directly and unequivocally attributed to certain genetic and environmental deficits, incontrollably pushing the psychopath to kill or worse? What if it was possible for our lawyers and scientists to perfectly account for someone’s misgivings by explaining how a criminal is mechanically forced to do evil?

I was wondering about that today, while rethinking my childhood as an isolated, mom-and-dad-take-me-everywhere-cause-they’re-deaf pariah. I recalled not being able to sustain a working relationship with anyone until I was in middle-school, right about when shit like whether or not your parents are deaf becomes irrelevant for your peers. So, arguably, isolation might have made me emotionally-numb, perhaps in some instances disproportionately cruel towards my parents or towards those that cross me, and it may also account for my sometimes quite visible social defects.

Looking back at some of the worse things I’ve done, and that I decidedly regret, I can’t consider any mechanical explanations such as these and find them at all absolving. Sure, I was a victim of something: perhaps I would have been less a victim were I more genetically-endowed (I was overly-sentimental and cowardly even before my life started to revolve around mom and dad, and my droopy left eye definitely didn’t help me make friends).

Victim of something, yeah, but how can that hallow all the shit I’ve done? How’s that the fault of all those I have personally crossed? I believe in paying the price for our trespasses, even if they happen to be a result of our own painful history.

It is a monument of human hope to be able to overcome what life gave you and still manage to be a good person after life pounds you with burdens you can’t choose to have. There may not be a mechanical absolution for me, but if I ever really turn my life around despite the uneven odds I received at birth, that will credit me more than my fellow, more endowed fellow men.


5 Responses to “Mechanical Absolution”

  1. foinika Says:

    Indeed, I believe you’re right.
    True strength lies in being dealt the lesser cards yet playing them to the end. be it sweet or bitter.
    on the other hand… we’re ALL so ugly from up close, who’s to say what’s a lesser card and who’s the better player?

  2. Question Says:

    A question, are you deaf, or your parents are?

  3. esti Says:

    לכל אחד סיבה למעשיו. גם לפושעים הכי גדולים יש
    מניע למעשיהם. או בחינוך, או בסביבה, או בגנים.
    בכל זאת יש אנשים שנולדו להורים חירשים ואת בעיותיהם החברתיות יפתרו יבטאו בצורה אחרת.
    יתכן שיהיו מסוגרים, יתכן שכל חייהם לא יהיו להם חברים, אבל לא בטוח שיהיו אלימים דווקא.
    יש כל כך הרבה סיבות לאישיותו של אדם ולהתנהגותו, שממש אי אפשר לסווג אנשים,
    להשוות ביניהם, או לחזות את מעשיהם.
    הדבר יותר מדי מורכב. אבל זה גם עושה את החיים מעניינים.
    איך שנתפתח יהיה תלוי גם בגרמים חיצונים, גם באיך שאנחו בנויים, ואיך שגדלנו,
    אבל גם במה שנעשה עם עצמינו, ואפשר לעשות הרבה.
    ממה שהבנתי ממך עשית הרבה עם עצמך, ולקחת את עצמך למקומות חיוביים.
    אולי בהזדמנות תפרט יותר……..

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